2 Dogs, 2 Dreamers, 1 Freedom
A young married couple and their two dogs trying to find freedom in a world full of chains.Convenience vs. Necessity
How do you know that what you say is what you mean? How often do you change your words to suit your actions? Take, for instance, the difference between convenience and necessity.
If there’s one thing this extreme minimalist change in my lifestyle has taught me, it’s that we have a very skewed definition of “necessity”.
We think we “need” this, and we think we “need” that. But in reality, we don’t need ANY of it! Today I donated about 2/3 of my wardrobe. Mind you that I’ve gone through my wardrobe and donated THREE times now. Yet every time I go through it, I find more things I don’t need.
It’s crazy to me the things we gather around us because of convenience. For example – having more than one set of silverware – why? Because you don’t want to have to wash the fork every time you eat. But then if you want a whole set of silverware and don’t want to wash them all by hand – get a dishwasher! Which means you’ll need a bigger kitchen. Heck, let’s buy a new house so we have a bigger kitchen for the new dishwasher, and while we’re at it let’s throw in a double oven and a gas range top!
Take this concept and apply it to everything else you own. See where I’m going with this? We create more needs by finding more convenient ways to handle our crap! Wouldn’t it be nice to just have what you truly need, and nothing more?
Tomorrow we’re having a moving sale. We’re selling everything – all the furniture that’s left (which isn’t much – two chairs, a rug, and a mattress), all the kitchenware, decorations, linens, everything. We’re going to button down to what we can fit in our Subaru (with the dogs!) and in the cargo box on top. It’s not a lot of room, but we can fit everything we need.
That includes my husband’s plethora of workout equipment (which yes is a necessity – and he will argue with you to the death that it is).
Did I mention that our dogs are 100lbs and 55lbs?
Moto and Charlie
My First Heart Attack
You know how I told you that we were going to sell off all of our possessions in an attempt at an extremely minimal lifestyle? Well today was my first dose of how that really feels. I made one posting on a certain infamous classified ad site, and within just a couple hours had several serious inquiries for our belongings. Most things I can let go of with no hesitation. But then someone mentioned the chairs.
These aren’t just your average chairs… these are without-a-doubt my most favorite chairs in the entire world! They are ridiculously comfortable and oversized in a cozy (not obnoxious or 80′s) kind of way. I kind of just hoped that the chairs would last until the very end. I didn’t realize it would be so painful to let go of my favorite place to sit.
Plus we’re not moving for 5 months.
Where the hell are we going to sit if all of our furniture sells this quickly? Not to mention we have company coming – 3 separate times. 
They’re going to think we’re crazy.
Maybe we are… but at least we’ll be free. Or as close to free as we can be right now.. and that’s all that matters to us.
Expectations
They’re ubiquitous in our lives – these damn expectations. We have them for everyone around us, and they have them for us. We have expectations for our children, co-workers, husbands, wives, even the homeless person standing on the corner. Though these expectations are often just viewed as a harmless social norm, where do you draw the line? When does an expectation become a social norm? When does that expectation become unrealistic? If we can’t find a way to differentiate, then we’ll never break the cycle.
So what is the difference between a social norm and an expectation? Let’s start with basic definitions:
Social norm: rule or standard of behavior shared by members of a social group. Norms may be internalized-i.e., incorporated within the individual so that there is conformity without external rewards or punishments, or they may be enforced by positive or negative sanctions from without.
Expectation:
Kind of a cyclical definition for expectation, isn’t it? And when you throw that into the definition of social norm, it blends into the cycle seamlessly. Expectation is a very arbitrary word, and can hold many different connotations for many people. But the denotation is similar to that of a social norm: an action that you assume the other party is in agreement with and will act accordingly on. As we can see, expectations and social norms are rather synonymous.
How, then do we differentiate between a social norm and an expectation? If we can’t separate our expectations from our social norms, when does the social norm become an unrealistic expectation? Who’s to say what is “unrealistic”? The connotation, once again, is different for many people, but the denotation is the same. Something that is beyond a normal occurrence. Which throws us back to norms.
An interesting web is woven by these social norms and expectations. I think that at some point, someone’s unrealistic expectations were morphed into our current societal norms. I don’t agree with a lot of our societal norms. I’m a “live and let live” kind of gal. That’s why I won’t delve too much into what I don’t agree with. I don’t think that a stranger should have many expectations for another stranger (save for not killing each other).
Why is it that we think we’re all experts on other people’s lives? And here I stand, on my soap box called a blog, and share my rants and raves about what we should be doing, and how we should be living.
I don’t care how you live your life, and I’d rather that you don’t care about how I live mine. That may sound awfully rude, or bitchy, or whatever. But I mean it in all sincerity and with the best of intentions. Please… live your life for you, and no one else. I’ll leave you with a few quotes that have inspired me in the past.
““If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the family tree.”
-Osage Saying
““We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people.”
-Arthur Schopenhauer
“If you’re just part of the herd, sooner or later you’re gonna get milked.”
-Darin Eich
Sources:
social norm. (n.d.). Dictionary.com’s 21st Century Lexicon. Retrieved February 25, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/social norm
expectation. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved February 25, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/expectation
Being American
I’ll step off of my soap box now, and take some time to share an amusing story of our travels to Europe.
Eric and I had taken a trip to Paris and were in Munich for a few days before going back to Paris. We had just finished eating dinner with a friend from Munich, but were speaking English at the dinnertable. A man about my age sitting at a nearby table kept looking at me all night. When my mother-in-law went to the restroom, I went with her and waited outside.
The man from the nearby table approached me as I stood in the hallway:
Him: “How long will you be in Munich?”
Me: “Just for three days, and then back to Paris”
Him: “Ohh! You are French?!”
Me: “Oh No, I’m American.”
Him: “Oh…. Good day.”
And away he went. I couldn’t stop laughing for about 5 minutes, and loved sharing the story with my husband and mother-in-law.
What about you? Any interesting/funny stories from your travels?
The Real Ball and Chain
My husband and I were married October 4, 2008. It was a beautiful ceremony on top of a mountain at the Old Township of Elkton, in Colorado. It was snowing, and the men had built a bonfire for a stunning centerpiece. That moment, forever etched in my memory, will never be surpassed. It is the manifestation of the love we have for each other, and will always be as such. So it bothers me when people refer to “the old ball and chain”.
Whether or not it is referenced jokingly or seriously, it’s a crude term for such a beautiful thing. If we really want to talk about being chained down, why aren’t we talking about the things that rule our daily lives? The things that infuriate and sadden us? The things that decide for us what we can and can’t do, and what we can and can’t feel?
In our opinion, the real ball and chain in this country is identity loss. Americans no longer know who they are. No tradition, no sense of individualism, no sense of adventure. This loss chains us down, weights us, makes us unable to break free of its bonds. It determines where we go, what we do, and most importantly, how we feel. Studies have proven that we base our happiness on how we compare to other people. There are many terms for this theory. When I was in school for Communications it was referred to as the looking-glass self.
“Identity… is the result of the concept in which we learn to see ourselves as others do” (Yeung & Martin 2003).
We learn what we know about ourselves by seeing how we rank compared to others (and by assimilating our judgments to match those around us). Though this is great in its motivation for self-improvement, it’s also detrimental in its effects on our self esteem and sense of individualism. No wonder we all end up looking alike – we think we need to strive for the same things that others have. Only when we learn to strive for what we truly desire will we learn who we are.
And that’s our motivation for breaking out of our “ball and chain”. So goodbye “American Dream”. Goodbye 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment with a garage. Goodbye 9-5 jobs. We’re done with this – we’re breaking free of our chains.
What chains do you have? Do you dare dream to break free?
Extreme Minimalism
We recently decided to sell the majority of our material possessions. I know that sounds crazy to most, but it sounds freeing to us. Think about it – how great would it feel to be able to just pick up and go, and survive with only what you can fit in your car? (Including the two dogs!)
So that’s where the idea started. Then I’m not really sure what fueled it after that, but a whirlwind of discussion turned into serious planning for how we’re going to do this. And by “this” I mean sell off all of our stuff. Which is exactly what all of it is – just stuff. Of course there are the irreplaceable things, but we’ll store those for later use. For now, we’ll take only what we need to survive. Here’s the plan:
1. Clean out all closets, storage spaces, etc. and determine what fits into which category:
a. Keep with us
b. Store
c. Sell
d. Donate
2. Sell off the furniture – all of it. Also sell home decor, linens, knicknacks, kitchenware, anything that we aren’t keeping and can get a little bit of money for. I’d call it an estate sale, but the word estate is hardly applicable.
3. Take to “storage” (thanks mom and dad!) all the items we can’t replace/want to keep/don’t want with us.
4. Reduce our wardrobes to just the necessities. Focus on the classics here.
5. Make sure that whatever we keep with us can fit in the car, along with us and the two dogs. If it doesn’t all fit then we’ll have some prioritizing to do!
It’s a rough outline, but a pretty stable plan. Really, how hard can the process be? If we’re talking emotionally, I’m sure it’s going to be horrible. But that’s ok, I’m kind of looking forward to getting my heart back. I read somewhere that every time you buy something that you like, you give a little piece of your heart away. As I go through our belongings and think of what to keep and what to get rid of, I find that I have sentimental attachment to almost anything. How can I care so much about an inanimate object (but I LOVE this candle!)? Every thing I sell or get rid of gives me a piece of my heart back – how can I say no to that?
I’m sure that I’ll learn that our belongings are only valuable to us. They only hold sentimental value to us. We’ll see how little people care about the things that we define our lives with. The things you own end up owning you. I know I’m not the first to make that statement, but it’s true nonetheless.
What do you think? Could you ever sell off your belongings and live only off of what you could fit in your car?
The First Post
Maybe I’ll come up with a more original name than that, maybe I won’t. It’s too early to tell, and I’m much more in the mood to write than to sit and ponder names for the post. Though some would argue that coming up with the name is writing, but that’s getting off topic.
What is the topic you may ask? Well.. this is just about myself, my husband, our two dogs, and our journey to find freedom. It will include a little bit of everything along the way – dreams, ramblings, rants, raves (can I think of anything else that’s applicable and starts with “r”?). I hope you stick around, and please let me know if I’m starting to fall off – I plan on keeping this thing going!
I chose to start this blog for three main reasons:
1. I was itching to write, and this seems as good a place as any.
2. Inspiration from the burning desire to explore.
3. I couldn’t find any blog to satisfy my needs (which are few).
So let’s start with number 2 because number 1 is self-explanatory. Inspiration doesn’t just appear when you want it to. Some people are extremely talented and can summon great amounts of inspiration almost instantaneously. Others have refined the art of inspiring inspiration. As for myself, I do it the old-fashioned way. Wait for it to appear, and use it or lose it!
Number 3. What are my blog needs? Simple: inspiring (can you see a theme developing here?), consistent, and… well… that’s pretty much it. It’s hard to find a good blog these days. Please see the links to some really great blogs – written by people who I much admire and enjoy reading about.
I’ve been told by many elders that one thing in life is true:
Moderation is key.
I believe in that statement whole-heartedly, and my husband and I strive to live up to it every day. Life is much simpler and happier with balance. Despite our knowledge of this, we’re going to throw our lives completely off balance in an attempt to find a new state of homeostasis – but more on that in the next post.
