My husband and I were married October 4, 2008. It was a beautiful ceremony on top of a mountain at the Old Township of Elkton, in Colorado. It was snowing, and the men had built a bonfire for a stunning centerpiece. That moment, forever etched in my memory, will never be surpassed. It is the manifestation of the love we have for each other, and will always be as such. So it bothers me when people refer to “the old ball and chain”.

Whether or not it is referenced jokingly or seriously, it’s a crude term for such a beautiful thing. If we really want to talk about being chained down, why aren’t we talking about the things that rule our daily lives? The things that infuriate and sadden us? The things that decide for us what we can and can’t do, and what we can and can’t feel?

In our opinion, the real ball and chain in this country is identity loss. Americans no longer know who they are. No tradition, no sense of individualism, no sense of adventure. This loss chains us down, weights us, makes us unable to break free of its bonds. It determines where we go, what we do,  and most importantly, how we feel. Studies have proven that we base our happiness on how we compare to other people. There are many terms for this theory. When I was in school for Communications it was referred to as the looking-glass self.

“Identity… is the result of the concept in which we learn to see ourselves as others do” (Yeung & Martin 2003).

We learn what we know about ourselves by seeing how we rank compared to others (and by assimilating our judgments to match those around us). Though this is great in its motivation for self-improvement, it’s also detrimental in its effects on our self esteem and sense of individualism. No wonder we all end up looking alike – we think we need to strive for the same things that others have. Only when we learn to strive for what we truly desire will we learn who we are.

And that’s our motivation for breaking out of our “ball and chain”. So goodbye “American Dream”. Goodbye 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment with a garage. Goodbye 9-5 jobs. We’re done with this – we’re breaking free of our chains.

What chains do you have? Do you dare dream to break free?