They’re ubiquitous in our lives – these damn expectations. We have them for everyone around us, and they have them for us. We have expectations for our children, co-workers, husbands, wives, even the homeless person standing on the corner. Though these expectations are often just viewed as a harmless social norm, where do you draw the line? When does an expectation become a social norm? When does that expectation become unrealistic? If we can’t find a way to differentiate, then we’ll never break the cycle.

So what is the difference between a social norm and an expectation? Let’s start with basic definitions:

Social norm:  rule or standard of behavior shared by members of a social group. Norms may be internalized-i.e., incorporated within the individual so that there is conformity without external rewards or punishments, or they may be enforced by positive or negative sanctions from without.

Expectation:

Kind of a cyclical definition for expectation, isn’t it? And when you throw that into the definition of social norm, it blends into the cycle seamlessly. Expectation is a very arbitrary word, and can hold many different connotations for many people. But the denotation is similar to that of a social norm: an action that you assume the other party is in agreement with and will act accordingly on. As we can see, expectations and social norms are rather synonymous.

How, then do we differentiate between a social norm and an expectation? If we can’t separate our expectations from our social norms, when does the social norm become an unrealistic expectation? Who’s to say what is “unrealistic”? The connotation, once again, is different for many people, but the denotation is the same. Something that is beyond a normal occurrence. Which throws us back to norms.

An interesting web is woven by these social norms and expectations. I think that at some point, someone’s unrealistic expectations were morphed into our current societal norms. I don’t agree with a lot of our societal norms. I’m a “live and let live” kind of gal. That’s why I won’t delve too much into what I don’t agree with. I don’t think that a stranger should have many expectations for another stranger (save for not killing each other).

Why is it that we think we’re all experts on other people’s lives? And here I stand, on my soap box called a blog, and share my rants and raves about what we should be doing, and how we should be living.

I don’t care how you live your life, and I’d rather that you don’t care about how I live mine. That may sound awfully rude, or bitchy, or whatever. But I mean it in all sincerity and with the best of intentions. Please… live your life for you, and no one else. I’ll leave you with a few quotes that have inspired me in the past.

““If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the family tree.”
-Osage Saying

““We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people.”
-Arthur Schopenhauer

“If you’re just part of the herd, sooner or later you’re gonna get milked.”
-Darin Eich

Sources:

social norm. (n.d.). Dictionary.com’s 21st Century Lexicon. Retrieved February 25, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/social norm

expectation. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved February 25, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/expectation